Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
