Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
