Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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