I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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