sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
