dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
