if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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