I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
