yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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