you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
