Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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