I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
