her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
