youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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