ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
