I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
