Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
