What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
