Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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