i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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