It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
