Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
