just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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