some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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