you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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