Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
