I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
