Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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