I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
