you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
