It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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