I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You made out with two different species that night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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