I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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