i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
