Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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