the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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