atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
