No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
