I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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