Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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