The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
