Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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