I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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