Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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