um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
