Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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