you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
