4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
