You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
