Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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