You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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