You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
