oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
