oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
